Fungahuasca 2-09
Feel surprisingly normal considering. Sock monster from Zoë definitely has a different connotation, a voodoo doll with trickster magic. The cats and I are closer, me understanding their species as chosen by witches. Jenny dog felt very close by for my journey partner and me. Many rants from me about Obama being chosen by God, a personal compassion for the great dead and alive saints. Amma, Ghandi, MLK, JFK, RFK, and excitedly, many friends. Cady’s amazing opp to create change at a place with a beautiful infrastructure, her being chosen to mobilize a heart change and eliminate classism. Caroline and Jim in the international forum not just putting on an event though creating an international community which seems more and more palpable of the direction towards peace. Well, let’s start at the beginning, shall we…
The woman formerly known as Chris and I prepped in different ways. L came over @ 11 AM, my goat friend visiting at the kitchen table after delivering milk. I had tried to clean the house so we could just be floppy anywhere without excessive filth covering us. This paid off as there was quite a bit of the floppy. More like flailing on my part. Great sympathy for a friend with mittens for hands, as mine became clubs. Flailing clubs. Most obvious as I was wrapped in Tracy via Jeff to me sadhu wrap that I sported post a towel. Had to be naked. Had to be in water constantly or dousing the woodstove for steam or ordering L to do it, when too comatose to do it myself. Oh and that was frequently. The narcotic aspect was better than any heroin or opium. Maybe because it was more visual. More personally visual also. L’s trip was quite different, more introspective, tactile, feeling while mine was phenomenal visuals on the first wave coming down the hill from the dunes where we drank the well simmered decoction of Banisteriopsis caapi.
1-Daniel Pinchbeck Breaking open the Head-pg 140-“Ayahuasca is highly sophisticated jungle chemistry. The Amazonian potion usually consists of two ingredients, the bark of the ayahuasca vine (Banisteriopsis caapi, which grows in thick double-helix-shaped coils around rain forest trees) and the leaves of Psychotria viridis or some other plant.”
In our case, we did Fungahuasca. We boiled down the leaves and bark of the ayahuasca on the wood stove and added mushrooms grown locally. The combo creates a DMT trip (dimethyltryptamine, naturally occurring in human base of spine and brain) with waves of deep narcotic bliss. Better than any heroin or opium I’ve ever had, yep said that already. No post crunchiness. I’m tired though I went to bed by midnite and slept well ( minus Leon kittie wanting a chat outside my door @ 5 AM). I find it shocking right now that the house is not completely trashed. There were such delusions of Hunter S. Thompson: I became gecko like, much like Johnny Depp’s rendition in FEAR & LOATHING. Like a chicken after decapitation, little body control, out of body, which felt amazing. Sweetly sensual at times.
There was the water cycle, which followed the massive crying, and releasing, writhing, taking in the community’s pain, letting it move thru me. At one point saying it wasn’t time for me to leave this body yet though an incredible death practice. Great compassion, self-sacrifice and acknowledgment of the hard work of God’s emissaries. Bob Marley became important especially for L. The version of Hare Krishna from Beloved Krishna exalted and Wilco’s A Ghost is Born provided perfect poetic catharsis as the waves got less intense, more quiet and blissfiss. There was massive purging of family pain, the breast cancer lineage. Releasing for my Aunt and Grandmother, protection for my Goddaughter. So many blessings and pujas I performed last nite for so many, my body a conduit for other’s healing. The expulsion of cancer from my breast and body. Bathed not just once but twice, not so different from Benicio in Fear and Loathing. L def concerned at times for my wellbeing. Needed constant water, to be in it, drinking it, on the woodstove in steam, making tea. Uaahh, the tea ceremony, L great about doing my bidding, bringing the blue corn cake baked on the woodstove pre transmission with ghee, warmed and royal jelly. Manna as L called it. Muhhh. Me so sloppy when eating and drinking, consistently pulling up my sadhu robe, feeling my body changing after the water purging and oiling. Like a baby’s skin, true shedding of the old and rebirth. Nay and I went up to Ojo the day before and that was a great prep for this.
I felt great affection for my body and appearance. Seemed as if my hair grew an inch in 1 day. I kept pulling on it. The rebirth and return to my body had me thankful for it, releasing the loathing I have felt over my appearance, since cancer, probably before too. So many colors, heat sensitive, infrared, as I had the first wave of no movement, L heading back to house. Me slumped against the wall of the ruin in the most foreboding of landscapes on the property, in the cholla and tumbleweed field. Intense yellows, orange, red and such spikiness from the plants. A stop at the stream on the way back revealed the mosaic like vision I had read about. Much of what I have read was accurate and am thankful for the prep I had done over the past year particularly.
Feb 7
The Wolf has been a constant theme before, during and since this journey. I remember feeling awestruck when I heard that Obama in his first day in office had placed the Gray Wolf back on the endangered species list for the western and northern states. As Americans in the past decade, we have been trained to feel this earthwork is unimportant and I’m having difficulty waking up after the long nitemare of indifference to the creatures and elements that matter most to me.
From Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams and David Carson, pg97
“Wolf is the pathfinder, the forerunner of new ideas who returns to the clan to teach and share medicine. Wolf takes one mate for life and is loyal like Dog. If you were to keep company with Wolves, you would find an enormous sense of family within the pack, as well as a strong individualistic urge. Baying at the Moon may be an indication of Wolf’s desire to connect with new ideas which are just below the surface of consciousness.”
One dog spirit of a man came to me frequently during the trip, he is one who helped me burn my dog Jenny and offer puja to her. It’s hard to know if the yearning for union is an unevolved clinging or the feeling of our destinies being intertwined and now the time to be revisited, a question that stays with me. This time of year is MahaShivaratri, an all nite celebration of the story of Lord Shiva. Last year at the Neem Karoli Baba Hanuman Temple in Taos, I felt for the first time a true understanding of God and sensuality, Tantra. The connection I feel personally necessary for sexual union with another as an extension of God, thus being celibate now for 4 1/2 years.
A day in town yesterday was both familiar, confusing and annoying. I have read that it is difficult to move thru the world in the same way after this experience; insight to everything quite keen and perhaps the work is to not adopt a sense of superiority. A book club for Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina had me perplexed at first then finding my sea legs amongst so many beautiful female friends became fun and recognizable. I have decided to go up to the Temple in Taos for a few days, staying over and being a karma yogi, one who practices selfless service. I have a sense of peace about my house I have not felt before, less urgent to get away
from it, knowing I can create small miracles by sitting still and concentrating on the work right here in front of me.
The woman formerly known as Chris and I prepped in different ways. L came over @ 11 AM, my goat friend visiting at the kitchen table after delivering milk. I had tried to clean the house so we could just be floppy anywhere without excessive filth covering us. This paid off as there was quite a bit of the floppy. More like flailing on my part. Great sympathy for a friend with mittens for hands, as mine became clubs. Flailing clubs. Most obvious as I was wrapped in Tracy via Jeff to me sadhu wrap that I sported post a towel. Had to be naked. Had to be in water constantly or dousing the woodstove for steam or ordering L to do it, when too comatose to do it myself. Oh and that was frequently. The narcotic aspect was better than any heroin or opium. Maybe because it was more visual. More personally visual also. L’s trip was quite different, more introspective, tactile, feeling while mine was phenomenal visuals on the first wave coming down the hill from the dunes where we drank the well simmered decoction of Banisteriopsis caapi.
1-Daniel Pinchbeck Breaking open the Head-pg 140-“Ayahuasca is highly sophisticated jungle chemistry. The Amazonian potion usually consists of two ingredients, the bark of the ayahuasca vine (Banisteriopsis caapi, which grows in thick double-helix-shaped coils around rain forest trees) and the leaves of Psychotria viridis or some other plant.”
In our case, we did Fungahuasca. We boiled down the leaves and bark of the ayahuasca on the wood stove and added mushrooms grown locally. The combo creates a DMT trip (dimethyltryptamine, naturally occurring in human base of spine and brain) with waves of deep narcotic bliss. Better than any heroin or opium I’ve ever had, yep said that already. No post crunchiness. I’m tired though I went to bed by midnite and slept well ( minus Leon kittie wanting a chat outside my door @ 5 AM). I find it shocking right now that the house is not completely trashed. There were such delusions of Hunter S. Thompson: I became gecko like, much like Johnny Depp’s rendition in FEAR & LOATHING. Like a chicken after decapitation, little body control, out of body, which felt amazing. Sweetly sensual at times.
There was the water cycle, which followed the massive crying, and releasing, writhing, taking in the community’s pain, letting it move thru me. At one point saying it wasn’t time for me to leave this body yet though an incredible death practice. Great compassion, self-sacrifice and acknowledgment of the hard work of God’s emissaries. Bob Marley became important especially for L. The version of Hare Krishna from Beloved Krishna exalted and Wilco’s A Ghost is Born provided perfect poetic catharsis as the waves got less intense, more quiet and blissfiss. There was massive purging of family pain, the breast cancer lineage. Releasing for my Aunt and Grandmother, protection for my Goddaughter. So many blessings and pujas I performed last nite for so many, my body a conduit for other’s healing. The expulsion of cancer from my breast and body. Bathed not just once but twice, not so different from Benicio in Fear and Loathing. L def concerned at times for my wellbeing. Needed constant water, to be in it, drinking it, on the woodstove in steam, making tea. Uaahh, the tea ceremony, L great about doing my bidding, bringing the blue corn cake baked on the woodstove pre transmission with ghee, warmed and royal jelly. Manna as L called it. Muhhh. Me so sloppy when eating and drinking, consistently pulling up my sadhu robe, feeling my body changing after the water purging and oiling. Like a baby’s skin, true shedding of the old and rebirth. Nay and I went up to Ojo the day before and that was a great prep for this.
I felt great affection for my body and appearance. Seemed as if my hair grew an inch in 1 day. I kept pulling on it. The rebirth and return to my body had me thankful for it, releasing the loathing I have felt over my appearance, since cancer, probably before too. So many colors, heat sensitive, infrared, as I had the first wave of no movement, L heading back to house. Me slumped against the wall of the ruin in the most foreboding of landscapes on the property, in the cholla and tumbleweed field. Intense yellows, orange, red and such spikiness from the plants. A stop at the stream on the way back revealed the mosaic like vision I had read about. Much of what I have read was accurate and am thankful for the prep I had done over the past year particularly.
Feb 7
The Wolf has been a constant theme before, during and since this journey. I remember feeling awestruck when I heard that Obama in his first day in office had placed the Gray Wolf back on the endangered species list for the western and northern states. As Americans in the past decade, we have been trained to feel this earthwork is unimportant and I’m having difficulty waking up after the long nitemare of indifference to the creatures and elements that matter most to me.
From Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams and David Carson, pg97
“Wolf is the pathfinder, the forerunner of new ideas who returns to the clan to teach and share medicine. Wolf takes one mate for life and is loyal like Dog. If you were to keep company with Wolves, you would find an enormous sense of family within the pack, as well as a strong individualistic urge. Baying at the Moon may be an indication of Wolf’s desire to connect with new ideas which are just below the surface of consciousness.”
One dog spirit of a man came to me frequently during the trip, he is one who helped me burn my dog Jenny and offer puja to her. It’s hard to know if the yearning for union is an unevolved clinging or the feeling of our destinies being intertwined and now the time to be revisited, a question that stays with me. This time of year is MahaShivaratri, an all nite celebration of the story of Lord Shiva. Last year at the Neem Karoli Baba Hanuman Temple in Taos, I felt for the first time a true understanding of God and sensuality, Tantra. The connection I feel personally necessary for sexual union with another as an extension of God, thus being celibate now for 4 1/2 years.
A day in town yesterday was both familiar, confusing and annoying. I have read that it is difficult to move thru the world in the same way after this experience; insight to everything quite keen and perhaps the work is to not adopt a sense of superiority. A book club for Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina had me perplexed at first then finding my sea legs amongst so many beautiful female friends became fun and recognizable. I have decided to go up to the Temple in Taos for a few days, staying over and being a karma yogi, one who practices selfless service. I have a sense of peace about my house I have not felt before, less urgent to get away
from it, knowing I can create small miracles by sitting still and concentrating on the work right here in front of me.
Labels: ayahuasca, Fear and Loathing, Fungahuasca, Hunter S. Thompson, narcotic, Obama, Tantra
posted by Lexie Shabel @ 12:53 PM
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