Have had a busy week since last writing. Had a beautiful weekend in a canyon not far from where I once lived with Dru and Jenny at a women’s Council. There was lots of ritual, prayer, food, hugging, crying, discussion, sharing, dancing, crafts, nature and @ 35 gorgeous women from NM, Rhode Island, Maine and Quebec. We did a sweat lodge,
Sweat lodge of Inipi
purifying ourselves and giving prayers to everyone and the earth. I participated in a Rites of Passage ceremony where a beautiful hoop was constructed, adorned with flowers and those who had just entered their menses or would like to reclaim that period of time, were asked to walk thru the hoop and be adorned with a colorful corn necklace. I chose to do this as coming into my womanhood is a time I am working with a lot in the past couple years. My first menstruation was not celebrated but mourned. I felt shame and sadness at what my body was doing and never really got comfortable with the responsibility and joy of being a woman. My sisters last weekend have helped me so much in reclaiming that time, work that therapy seemed to need a ritual as such to feel completion with.
There was a croning ceremony for women who were 56 years or older. This was a beautiful way to invite in that change of life for women and all the power and wisdom that comes with reaching this age. 56 is the 2nd Saturn Return for people and that’s why the # was chosen for this Croning Ceremony. One of the sweetest things we did was called an Angel Walk. This commenced by all the women forming 2 receiving lines across from one another and the MC at the top. She “unspun” each woman individually, whispering affirmations and sweet words to the participant whose eyes were closed. The women in lines touched her through the line, also speaking positive words to the woman about herself or extending prayers to that individual. It was amazing what stuck with me about what women said and I felt as if 1000 smiles were giggling inside me. I wrote my cousin about this and he concurred, it would be a beautiful way to start each day.
We each made prayer flag squares and I am the honored caretaker of these women’s prayers for the next year when I am to return them to the next council and we will burn them. Meanwhile, they will be sewn together and hung much like Tibetan prayer flags. I will tell you that my square prayed for No More Women to have Breast Cancer Surgery with FEAR in their Hearts. I also received a henna tattoo over the place where my tumor was/is. It is exactly opposite my real heart and I am considering getting something more permanent there to memorialize this time in my life, that part of my body.
Given all this love and support I felt good about approaching a fairly intense week of treatment. It started with an appointment at Women’s Health Services here in Santa Fe. I want to get a handle on the hormonal aspect of my constantly changing body and they take Medicaid. Met with a nice Doc there who unfortunately didn’t have much new on the hormone knowledge for me nor did she think Medicaid would pay for the testing I would like to do. She did understand my desire for a medical marijuana script though and told me she would get in touch with me about if she can write one and also the name of an advocate who used to work there. Next I went to Qi Gong class, had tea with my friend Deborah after. Next back to the place where I had the blood bath a few weeks earlier for a DMPS or heavy metal detox via IV. This was much more mellow, the nurse got a decent vein on the first try and I slowed down the intake to 3 hours but my vein seems much happier right now for not jamming the substance in too fast. I’m doing all the support around that now, cilantro tincture (of which I am making a gallon jug of), chlorella, kidney homeopathic support, vitamin C, multi and electrolytes. I’ll continue with til next Wednesday to assist in getting out any residual heavy metals. This time was much less dramatic symptomatically and I feel good right now.
The next day I had a pretty amazing and intense Somatic Experiencing session. It was on a table and she wanted to have my kidneys “drop”. She feels that the kidneys stay tucked in when there is fear. There were many sensations, colors and feelings throughout the session, we talked some and charted where my body started to feel things and she would move her hands accordingly. At the end of the session she said that I was the one who was expected to be the strongest in my family and forced to accept a heavy burden. Earlier in the session she asked if I had feelings about imposing on people, which I have very deep feelings about. I went immediately to Café Paris (overpriced substandard food but with the best outdoor eating near the plaza and where I was coming from) and wrote down all my thoughts on those two ideas. Deep, old and revelatory.
After shaking some of the floating feeling I had I went to my 1st session of
Manual Lymphatic Drainage
It was very relaxing and though the practitioner kept asking me annoying questions about who was my doctor and lab results, I understand she was nervous about working on me. She works with women who have had breast surgery and had lymph nodes removed. I thank G-d everyday I didn’t have mine taken out (and that I have 2 breasts!YEEHAW!!!)
I believe I would have serious lymphadema if I had as there is already so much lymph congestion and swelling in all my upper body. I believe my lymph are damaged but slowly repairing and I’d rather have a lymph gland operating at 50% vs. scar tissue. I feel if I stay on this path they will repair themselves in the next couple years to close to 100%. A few days later now I am feeling less congested and puffy in my whole body than I did before these treatments.
Next I drove east of town to meet with Ivy Amar who I have heard about for a while. She has kindly offered to adjust my Panchakarma program so it is more affordable and I will do much of it on my own. We discussed diet, a schedule as well as many other Ayurvedic and Hindu concepts. She invited me to a ceremony for the solstice that the Kiva Brothers(men who built this breathtaking kiva, complete with vigas, a sweet plaster job and parking lot). I went to this ceremony of burning purified cow dung, ghee and rice but was smoked out and honestly, very annoyed and agitated with. I appreciate this as a healing ceremony for those involved but it was not for me. Different Strokes.
I STRONGLY recommend seeing AIR GUITAR NATION.
Though scantily attended here in Santa Fe, I found it to be one of the funniest, smartest rockumentaries I’ve seen all year. It was well shot and edited. Most importantly and something I have found lacking in the genre in films I have seen this year, it told a great story with engaging and likable characters as well as rocked. I’ve been so moved by the bad Rockumentaries I’ve sent his year that I am working on a Lost Weekend of the Rockumentary Workshop that I plant to take “on tour” if you will. It’s disrespectful to the musicians to make a glorified home movie and then distribute it around the world. That’s my 2 cents and I’m stickin’ to it.
Thanks for playing. All my love